I come through the door of my apartment after a long and exhausting day at work and have just put down my briefcase when the phone rings.

‘My name is Kerner. I’m from AOP Insurance and I would like to ask whether you are satisfied with your present insurance,’ says a voice on the other end of the line. A situation we all know. Someone on the other end of the line who wants to sell you something although you have already got everything you need. Of course I’m insured. My car is insured, the contents of my household are insured, my apartment is insured, and I’ve even insured my cat. Nowadays, everything is insurable, even death.

And once you’ve taken out the insurance and put all those sheets of paper covered with small print carefully away in the file labelled ‘Insurance’, you forget all about it. You’re only reminded of its existence when you find the bill for the insurance premium in the mail or when something happens and you actually need to file a claim. ‘I don’t quite understand,’ I say to Mr Kerner. Bad move. Now he gives me the standard 10-minute lecture on the advantages of AOP Insurance, in particular their unbeatable prices etc, etc, etc.

‘Hello? Are you still there?’ he asks when he finally pauses for breath and realizes that there are no signs of life from my end of the line. ‘Good question!’ I answer provocatively. ‘Look, Mr Kerner. I have 38 years of experience with insurance companies, and I know that it’s not the insurance company itself that matters, but the relationship between its customers and their personal insurance agent.’

‘Oh? So you’re in the insurance business, too?’ he asks, moving into ‘oh-so-we’re-colleagues’ mode. ‘No. Whatever gave you that idea?’ I answer innocently. ‘But… you just said you have 38 years of experience with insurance companies!’ ‘Right! I’m 38 years old, and like every other Central European, I’ve been insured since the day of my birth.’ My answer has taken him completely by surprise! I glance at my watch. Unbelievable! Mr Kerner has wasted 16 minutes of my precious time and has given me absolutely nothing in return. This makes my tone a shade more direct, more provocative and definitely more aggressive.

‘Well, you’ve told me a lot about how good and inexpensive your company is. Now tell me something about yourself!’ ‘What do you want to know?’ he asks uncertainly. My question probably wasn’t covered in the instruction manual for insurance salesmen.

‘Well, tell me something about your own personal service, the way you advise your customers. For example, when nothing has happened and they don’t need to file a claim. How does your service differ from that offered by your colleagues or by my insurance agent?’

He sidesteps the issue: ‘The fact is that what the average customer wants is the best possible insurance cover for the lowest premium.’

‘No. The fact is that I am not the average customer.’ (Who wants to be average?) ‘And I just happen to be absolutely convinced that I am insured with a fairly conventional company but with the best insurance agent in the world. His name is Harry Gisler, and he’s always there for me. I hear from him without fail about every two months. Whenever I have had to claim on my insurance, he has taken care of everything for me, from A to Z. He contacts me whenever he can see a way to reduce my insurance premiums or whenever he finds additional cover I need. He knows me, my girlfriend and my son by name, and he would recognize me anywhere in the world.’ ‘But Mr Fritzmann…!’

‘Kinderman! My name is Kinderman!’ I correct him. This call has now gone on for 24 minutes, but I can tell that it’s nearing its end.

‘Tell you what. I’m going to do two things,’ he answers, unperturbed. ‘I’m going to send you our brochures in the mail and then we can make an appointment so I can give you a better idea of myself and AOP Insurance.’ ‘Wrong!’ I answer. ‘I am going to do two things. First, I’m going to wish you a pleasant evening, and second, I’m going to put the phone down.’ And I did.

Amazingly good!

My insurance agent knew that I was planning to fulfil a childhood dream of mine and buy myself a convertible. He gave me the address of a good and fair car dealer, and not five weeks later, I bought a car there. When I got back to the office on that day, there was a large tube of suntan lotion on my desk with a card bearing the friendly words: ‘Don’t forget to protect yourself, and Happy Travels!’

I had my mobile phone stolen when I was in South Africa. I phoned my insurance agent and asked what I should do. He asked me a couple of questions, then said: ‘You just go ahead and enjoy the rest of your holiday. I’ll take care of the phone problem!’ And he was as good as his word. When I got home, I found a brand-new mobile on my desk with all the necessary paperwork, all filled in and waiting for my signature. All I had to do was sign and thank him.

In the summer of 1999, a heavy hailstorm damaged hundreds of cars. My insurance company seized this opportunity to motivate their frustrated customers. Each customer received an invitation to bring in his or her car for damage assessment. This meant that the insurance company had to deal with hundreds of customers in the space of just a few days. When I drove my badly pockmarked car into the hangar-like building, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My insurance agent was standing at the entrance with a glass of fruit juice in his hand. He welcomed me, invited me to get out and accompany him to the Summer Bar the insurance company had set up especially for its clients. While the experts took a look at my car, we had a very pleasant chat. Less than 20 minutes later, someone came and handed me my car keys. When I got home and opened the boot, I found a box of chocolates there. The insurance company had placed one in every car as a surprise gift.