We try to fit the bigger picture of life into our world, rather than to make sense of our world inside the bigger picture. Consider the difference between reaction and meaningful response.

It is full of insecurity and acts in consideration of others or the world only after it feels secure in its own self-importance. It is the Hollywood movie star who, having made $20 million, decides they want to 'give back to this great country.' It can sound like character, but it is character in style only.

The more one acts from this identity, the more it locks the innermost potential of self; just as the more we see the hypocrisy of our actions, the more the enclosure of the inner core of self is released.

The SQ self seeks challenge, embraces difficulty, accepts what is, and invites feedback, reflections, uncertainty, the unknown. A spiritually intelligent self knows that it cannot be defeated, beaten, overcome, it can only grow or become locked by the absence of nutrient and light from the greater truth.

Challenge and difficulty help the SQ person keep their reactive self-identity from growing and covering up the truth of the situation. The humility of the SQ person is not an act, it is a necessary and chosen process that ensures their reactive self is ever shrunken to make more space to grow from the core to the outside.

Humor as an antidote to stubborn identity

I believe, along with leading brain researcher V. S. Ramachandran, that humor and laughter evolved as an effective way of signaling that a potential threat had passed and the way ahead was now all clear. The contagious nature of laughter can spread this 'all clear' signal to the group more effectively and swiftly than any explanation. Jokes or humorous situations are often structured in such a way that a chain of events suggests an unfortunate outcome, only to be reversed by a punch line that reframes the whole meaning of what went before.

Self-deprecating humor acts in much the same way on our identity. Our identity often feels threatened and this causes it to be antagonized, to generate tension, to be ready to fight or flee, and the like. A well-timed joke about ourselves aimed at deflating an inflated ego can have the effect of relieving the grip of identity on our core. It is a highly valuable tool of self-leadership. I have often seen potentially difficult or confrontational situations defused by a good self-leader using humor in just this way.

It is a mark of great cultures and great individuals that they can laugh at themselves, just as it is a mark of adolescent cultures and individuals that they make jokes at the expense of others. In the hands of the less developed, humor becomes a weapon of the identity designed to belittle, shame, and intimidate others under the guise of 'just having a joke.' Good humor, on the other hand, is always unifying, allows us all to see some aspect of concealed truth, and creates an ease in which arguments, discussions, and issues are easier to handle.