As I frequently attend seminars and also conduct them myself, I know many seminar hotels all over the world. However, most hotels award themselves the title ‘seminar hotel’ all too glibly, as the following story shows.

It is 11 pm in Zurich when I turn into the drive of the hotel where I will be holding a two-day seminar. ‘You can’t leave your car here, sir,’ are the welcoming words I get from an over-zealous porter. ‘And a very good evening to you, too,’ I reply, hoping he will realize how rude he has been. No chance.

After eventually finding a parking space, I am standing at the reception desk reading the hotel brochure because the receptionist is still talking on the phone. Our ultramodern rooms all have a TV/radio, shower/bath and direct outward dialling. Incredible! I must have made a mistake. Direct outward dialling! In this day and age, in which every year two new mobile phone generations appear on the market and where every businessperson carries a mobile, this hotel is proud of itself for offering its guests direct outward dialling. Welcome to the 21st century, is all I can say.

‘Would you just fill in the hotel registration form, please?’ says the receptionist. ‘Do I really have to fill in all these details yet again?’ I ask, somewhat irritated. ‘It’s not the first time I’ve stayed here, and I gave you all my details when I booked. You already have all the information required for the form.’ ‘I’m sorry, but we have our instructions,’ replies my late-night adversary. And while I write ‘secret agent’ in the box marked ‘Profession’ and ‘Highway to Hell’ in the box for ‘Street’, I swear this will be the last time I hold one of my seminars in this hotel.

Whenever I conduct a seminar, I arrive the evening before, and for good reason! Now I ask the receptionist if I can put the material for my seminar in the room where it is to be held. ‘What, now?’ she asks reproachfully. ‘Yes, now,’ I answer in a friendly but firm tone. And when the porter unlocks the door to the room for me, the problems start. The room has not been arranged as I requested. Instead of a horseshoe-shaped arrangement of tables for 12 people, there is a block of tables for 16. And then there’s the problem with the overhead projector. As I never use one for any of my seminars, my assistant always informs the hotel in writing that ‘no overhead projector will be required’. But believe it or not, 60 per cent of the time there will be an overhead projector in the room, and I’m sure of my figures because I have to complain about it so often.

The person responsible will not be on duty until 8 o’clock the next morning, which means that I, the customer, have to roll up my sleeves and get cracking. I have to unplug the projector, move it to the side of the room out of the way, fold up the screen that goes with it and move the block of tables into a horseshoe arrangement – and only then can I set out my material for the seminar.

‘Good morning, Mr Friedmann! Is everything to your satisfaction?’ The young lady in charge of seminar organization at the hotel beams at me. I consult my watch. It is 7.55 am. My seminar starts at 8.30, which means that the first participants could be arriving any minute now.

I tell the seminar organizer that I had to put in a night shift. Of course, she is very sorry. Of course the booking confirmation on her clipboard says, ‘no overhead projector required’ and that I want the tables arranged in a horseshoe shape for 12 people. But unfortunately, the staff at this hotel, like that at so many others, are better at playing tennis (hitting the ball backwards and forwards over the net, putting the blame on the others) than at football (working together as a team to get the ball in the goal).

‘Would you like a cup of coffee?’ she asks me apologetically yet at the same time highly motivated. I say thanks, but no, as the first participant for my seminar arrives at that very moment. ‘But there is one thing you could get me,’ I whisper to her. ‘Yes?’ she asks. ‘A wastepaper basket.’ In my experience, a wastepaper basket is missing from seminar rooms just as frequently as an unwanted overhead projector is found there.

Amazingly good!

One hotel specializing in catering for conferences and organized events offers an interactive room planner on its website home page. Clients can use it to plan events in the comfort of their own homes. It is user-friendly and functional.

These are my experiences at one seminar hotel that is truly worthy of the name. When I first consulted them on the subject of my seminar, they asked me exactly what the seminar was about, who would be participating, etc. Then they made a note of my wishes concerning furnishing and special equipment in the room, labels and nameplates, etc. The very next day, they emailed me a digital photograph of ‘my’ seminar room with the infrastructure and labels I had ordered. The reference line of the e-mail read: ‘Dear Mr Joe Friedmann, is this the set-up you want?’ I answer that it is exactly in accordance with my wishes, and the very next day, I get the confirmation of my booking in the post. And on the day of the seminar, I find the room exactly as it was shown on the photo. In another hotel, the seminar organization team follows through by sending someone from the hotel to the seminar leader once the guests have left to inquire: ‘Was your seminar a success? Let me offer you a drink, and later, someone will be along to help you clear up and pack.’