Critical Mistake # 1 Not Being Consistent

Believe me, I know that this one can be really tough. I am mother to four children and at times they seem to hound me all at once. It can be so easy for me to give in their every request. However, we need to remember that not everything our child wants is beneficial for them. And often, children don’t understand the ramifications of everything that they do. That’s why we are the parents.

I often have to say to my teenagers, “It’s just not my job to be liked. It’s my job to be consistent with you”. It’s important that we are not afraid to say this to our child. We are not trying to make life difficult for our children. All the same, left to their own devices, they can make some pretty silly decisions.

Critical Mistake # 2 Not Providing Good Boundaries

I could write a whole book on this topic (hmmm, that’s not a bad idea at all)…. All children, no matter what their age, need boundaries. When kids are given healthy boundaries, they can function well at home, school and in society in general.

The real world works with boundaries. If you break the law, you end up going to jail. That’s a boundary that the government puts in place to stop people from committing crimes.

I provide boundaries for my children’s friends who come to play. Do I have the right to give boundaries to someone else’s child? Absolutely, if they are in my house. And we have had remarkable results from children who don’t always behave elsewhere.

When these kids come to my house I explain to them what my rules are. Once a child understands clearly what is expected of them, then, and only then, can you expect them to comply. Children need things spelled out really clearly for them.

Critical Mistake # 3 Entering Into Power Struggles

NO! NO! NO! NO! Don’t do it. For those of you who don’t know, a power struggle is when you enter into a conversation with your child that never seems to end. There can be no winner because your child refuses to give up. Even if they are wrong, they won’t give up.

When a child is in this mood it is best not to continue a conversation with them. Often, when a child is angry, they cannot see or think properly. This happened with one of my sons last night. He was very angry because the computer game didn’t let him win a level. He became verbally abusive and refused to calm down.

Two minutes later he told me that he was ready to talk about the incident. I sensed that he was still angry, therefore wasn’t prepared to talk and made him wait for about half an hour before I sensed that he had calmed down enough to hear me and have a conversation with him.

Teenagers, especially, have no logic when they want to argue about many things. They can know that they are wrong, yet still argue very persuasively that they are right. This is quite normal development for a teenager. I am not saying that it is acceptable. But if you have encountered this with your teenager at least you know that it is completely normal.

Our job is to choose not to engage them in the argument. We need to find a way to quickly move into another room or change the subject.

Kim Patrick
Single Mum of Four
www.ParentWithPassion.com