In: Categories » Self improvement » Success and goals » Keep an Open Mind About Who Stays Involved
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The effective involver knows that troublemaking is in the eye of the beholder. Most people (unconsciously) judge their own behavior by different standards than they apply to others:
One result is the tendency to label others as troublemakers, even when what they do is not much different from what we would do if we were in their shoes. Instead, try to understand the world from their point of view. This means suspending your natural desire to convince the troublemaker of the rightness of your position and listening—really listening—to their point of view. When you meet up with a troublemaker, start by giving the troublemaker the benefit of the doubt. If the troublemaker is a "real" troublemaker, there will be plenty of time to do what happens all too often: ignore them, appease them, punish them, or otherwise make them irrelevant. Pay attention to what about the troublemaker is getting a rise out of you and others in the group. Do you want to get on with the work at hand and feel like the troublemaker is dragging you down with questions, concerns, or resistance? Is it possible you might be trying to work too fast? Do you find yourself in a constant series of arguments with your troublemaker over substantive issues related to the work? Could you have locked in too early on your positions and be blind to new information that could influence your decision? If you assume your troublemaker has value to add to the work you are doing, what might that value be? Set limits with your troublemaker about the what, when, where, and how long for any conversation. This puts a fence around the conversation, making it safer for both of you. In a group, troublemakers will often say, "Everyone here feels this way" so they appear to be representing the group when they may be just speaking for themselves. Ask the rest of the group, "Who else feels this way?" This allows you to check out whether or not the troublemakers are speaking for themselves or if they truly are representing the group's opinion. It also helps to be explicit about the trouble you are having with the troublemaker's behavior. Talk about the troublemaker's behavior and its impact on you. Make specific requests for different behavior. What do you do when none of this seems to work? Excuse them from further involvement. When you ask a troublemaker to no longer be involved in the work you are doing, you send a message that those who have trouble working well with your team don't belong on it. In the short term, this may lead to more productive and amicable meetings. In the long run, you'll be compromising the creativity and commitment you can count on from reformed troublemakers. Before you lose these valuable contributions, reach out one more time and see your troublemaker as your best friend.
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