After the enema, an erotic fisting session should begin like any erotic encounter involving anal penetration. Relax. Do whatever you need to—baths, candles, music, meditation, visualization, deep breathing, massage—to relax each other. Take your time. Focus on your desire for each other, on communicating, and on trusting each other.

You should also experiment with positions. You want to find one that is comfortable for both of you and that allows the easiest entry and depth of penetration. Some people like to be on their backs with their legs on their partner's shoulders. Some like to be in the doggie-style position on hands and knees, affording a good angle of entry.

Others like to be in a sling—a specially designed seat made of leather, canvas, or plastic webbing (like a hammock for one). A sling is usually suspended from the ceiling or a hook high on the wall. You can lie in it comfortably with your head above your waist, and your partner can have good, flexible access to your ass. Slings can be an expensive item at specialty sex and leather stores and are usually purchased by advanced players.

You should work your way up from external stimulation to actual penetration, with all the necessary steps in between. Remember that the initial opening-up process takes time for the receiver. You may want to start with fingers, graduate to a small butt plug, maybe a dildo, then go back to fingers. Or you can use only your hand the entire time. Rather than pushing your way in, let your partner suck your hand inside and guide you to each new level. Work your fingers inside, adding more lubricant as you go, until you have worked up to four fingers.

A good way to begin the handballing process is to put your fingers together to create a point with your hand, and gently slide inside. Stop as soon as you feel resistance and stay there, letting the muscles get used to the feeling. Each person likes a different method for entry. Some people like to move with a slow, constant pressure. Others use a twisting motion to work their way inside. Some let the receiver draw the hand inside or go slowly in and out as you would with a penis or dildo. Some keep their fingers together in the point until they feel like they can spread their fingers slightly. You can also cup your hand with your fingers curled into your palm. The trickiest part of hand-balling is the first move into the rectum. Make sure that you are well lubed, because this will be a crucial step.

As with each progression of penetration, when you've gotten your hand inside the rectum, stay there for a while. Let your hand get used to the feelings, and let your partner get used to the feelings she or he is experiencing. Now, remember your anatomy lesson and that all-important curve of the rectum. Feel your way as you venture, and let your partner guide your hand. Go as far as feels comfortable for your partner. You don't have to keep going and going; get to a place that feels good, and decide that's as far as you'll go.

Once you're in the rectum, some partners may like you to stay where you are, while you stimulate their genital area with your free hand or a vibrator. Other folks may like some actual in-and-out movement; keep in mind that your movement while fisting should never be too drastic or jerky. Again, it's all about communication between the two of you.

The challenge is not learning to stretch the anal canal; rather, it is learning to relax and let go, to allow these muscles to accept entrance from the outside with the same ease they should be allowing release from the inside.

If you are the receptive partner, remember that you are in control of the action. It's critical that you pay attention to your body, know your limits, and communicate with your partner. She will take all her cues from you, and so you need to be aware of your desires, your needs, and the sensations you are feeling. Do not push yourself to do something if your body isn't ready. Rest and take a break if you need one. Stop if and when you need to stop. If you listen to your body, when it is ready to take an entire hand inside your rectum, the feeling will be nothing but pleasurable, intense, and ecstatic. Afterward, you may feel like having another enema in order to clean out all the lubricant. Do not have an enema. Your system has been worked over, and an enema will only irritate your rectum, especially if there are minute abrasions. It is a good idea for you to eat and drink something.

You may experience some soreness, gas pain, irregular bowel movements, or slight spotting of blood when you wipe yourself. All this should correct itself within twenty-four hours. Use common sense: if you are bleeding, experiencing severe pain, have a fever, or feel very sick, go see a doctor immediately. But if you've listened to your body, and your partner has listened to you, anal fisting will leave you satisfied and happily exhausted.